Wednesday 4 December 2013
Sunday 1 December 2013
It's a matter of size
Stuff that starts with a 'd': December, dark, dreary, depressing... So hurray for Christmas! Lights, good food, shiny stuff, a couple of days off from work and spending time with my friends.
And of course the Christmas tree. I've never been a big fan of that: our family used to have a really scrawny fake tree at home, I got electrocuted by the stupid candles twice, the real ones make a terrible mess and my cat nearly choked on the decorations once. I felt like Houdini, slowly pulling a 60 cm. long piece of tinsel out of my cheerfully hiccuping cat.
Once more we have a fake Xmas tree, but you can tell it's the 21st century: it doesn't look half bad. And you never get into any issues like this:
I bet these were picked by men. They seem to have size issues and always go for 'this big':
While all along, the women know, this big is more accurate:
Same laws apply to the animal kingdom.
Male bunny:
Female cat:
And of course the Christmas tree. I've never been a big fan of that: our family used to have a really scrawny fake tree at home, I got electrocuted by the stupid candles twice, the real ones make a terrible mess and my cat nearly choked on the decorations once. I felt like Houdini, slowly pulling a 60 cm. long piece of tinsel out of my cheerfully hiccuping cat.
Once more we have a fake Xmas tree, but you can tell it's the 21st century: it doesn't look half bad. And you never get into any issues like this:
I bet these were picked by men. They seem to have size issues and always go for 'this big':
While all along, the women know, this big is more accurate:
Same laws apply to the animal kingdom.
Male bunny:
Female cat:
Thursday 28 November 2013
Happy hammies
It's dark, it's cold, it's boring. Only one possible cure: happy hamsters!!
I know they're not all hamsters, but this too falls under simplified gnomish dictionaries!
I know they're not all hamsters, but this too falls under simplified gnomish dictionaries!
Monday 25 November 2013
I know where the bunnies went!
In spring and summer there are approximately a million bunnies surrounding our city.
But lately I haven't spotted any of them around anymore, even though I deliberately took the 'bunny road', just to see them! That made me a sad gnome.
But today I visited a city slightly more south and discovered that bunnies are migratory: there they were!!
Yay! I'm a happy bunny again!
But lately I haven't spotted any of them around anymore, even though I deliberately took the 'bunny road', just to see them! That made me a sad gnome.
But today I visited a city slightly more south and discovered that bunnies are migratory: there they were!!
Yay! I'm a happy bunny again!
Sunday 24 November 2013
Ode to chocolate
Ponies, chickens, bunnies and shiny stuff are gnome essentials. I realised I had left out two more: kitties and chocolate! Such an omission! The kitties already got some coverage, so in spirit of approaching Christmas, here's an ode to my favorite chocolate!
It's not just the chocolate that's utterly delicious, the wrapping must have been invented by a gnome. Inside the box you will find this delightful snack. At that point, it's just a lump of chocolate, cleverly disguised as an orange.
The trick is to whack it on the table, and the chocolate lump will disintegrate into bitesized sections.
So technically you could just take 1 or 2 sections and then put it away. In all honesty: that's a skill I haven't mastered.
An odd side effect is that in the gnomish dictionary the words 'chocolate' and 'share' are mutually exclusive. Therefore you never EVER mess with a gnome's chocolate, or you'll risk this:
If this warning comes too late, all I can do is refer you to the relevant literature:
It's not just the chocolate that's utterly delicious, the wrapping must have been invented by a gnome. Inside the box you will find this delightful snack. At that point, it's just a lump of chocolate, cleverly disguised as an orange.
The trick is to whack it on the table, and the chocolate lump will disintegrate into bitesized sections.
So technically you could just take 1 or 2 sections and then put it away. In all honesty: that's a skill I haven't mastered.
An odd side effect is that in the gnomish dictionary the words 'chocolate' and 'share' are mutually exclusive. Therefore you never EVER mess with a gnome's chocolate, or you'll risk this:
If this warning comes too late, all I can do is refer you to the relevant literature:
Optical illusion
Came across this sight a few years ago. Can you guess what it is?
Guesses so far have varied from stacks of paper in the stationery section to inverted lego.
It's not. Zoom in and you might recognize... wall sockets! It's an appartement building with the front wall knocked off. You can still see the wrecking ball lying in the grass:
Guesses so far have varied from stacks of paper in the stationery section to inverted lego.
It's not. Zoom in and you might recognize... wall sockets! It's an appartement building with the front wall knocked off. You can still see the wrecking ball lying in the grass:
Concerning chickens
I promised there would be ponies and chickens and bunnies and shiny stuff. This post is to cover the topic 'chickens'. There is a significant correlation between the gnome's size and the size of its vocabulary. And since a lot of space in that vocabulary is used for storing overly complicated and utterly useless words, we have a strong need to simplify things.
For example: a pony is anything one could ride. So a pony is a pony. But a horse is also a pony. And a bike (or a trike!) is most certainly a pony. In World of Warcraft, even chickens can be ponies! (I dare you to ask me how many hours I spent slaving to make sure Lovelorn would never have to ride a mechanical chicken!)
Which brings us to the chicken bit. If you thought 'pony' covered a lot of ground, 'chicken' is even worse. Everything with wings and no more than 4 legs is a chicken. Anything with wings and more than 4 legs is a bug and bugs are ewww. So a chicken is a chicken, but an owl or an eagle is also a chicken. Even an airplane is a chicken. I'm still confused on Pegasus: chicken or pony?
Me and my other half (and I'll happily admit: better half!) have a thing for birds of prey. Or in gnomish terms: hunting chickens. In this broad terminology I include owls as well. So what better way to spend the weekend than taking a falconry course? Although I think the word 'falconry' doesn't really cover it, there are many more birds involved in falconry than just falcons. I propose a change to 'chickenry'. Or the more fancy 21st-centry spelling: 'chickinry'.
Obviously, there was a falcon, which was spectacularly beautiful:
There were several owls, some sleepier than others:
I had my very first meeting with a raven:
And even though it was fall, there was a sunbathing vulture:
With a sense of humour:
And there were gnomish chickens too!
The day wasn't just about watching the birds sitting pretty on their perches. There was a lot of theory involved, we learned to tie knots, how to swing a lure and of course we got the privilege to fly them:
So all in all a great day. Apart from the entertainment I learned a lot. I had never guessed how time-consuming keeping a bird of prey was. It's not something you can do 'on the side', it's truly a way of life. As much as the birds impress and fascinate me, I honestly don't know if I can commit myself on that level to caring for an animal which gives no affection. For now I'll try to learn as much about these birds as I can, and satisfy my cuddling needs with the help of my cats.
For example: a pony is anything one could ride. So a pony is a pony. But a horse is also a pony. And a bike (or a trike!) is most certainly a pony. In World of Warcraft, even chickens can be ponies! (I dare you to ask me how many hours I spent slaving to make sure Lovelorn would never have to ride a mechanical chicken!)
(Sketch by Spirit-of-Twilight)
Obviously, there was a falcon, which was spectacularly beautiful:
There were several owls, some sleepier than others:
I had my very first meeting with a raven:
And even though it was fall, there was a sunbathing vulture:
With a sense of humour:
And there were gnomish chickens too!
The day wasn't just about watching the birds sitting pretty on their perches. There was a lot of theory involved, we learned to tie knots, how to swing a lure and of course we got the privilege to fly them:
So all in all a great day. Apart from the entertainment I learned a lot. I had never guessed how time-consuming keeping a bird of prey was. It's not something you can do 'on the side', it's truly a way of life. As much as the birds impress and fascinate me, I honestly don't know if I can commit myself on that level to caring for an animal which gives no affection. For now I'll try to learn as much about these birds as I can, and satisfy my cuddling needs with the help of my cats.
Saturday 23 November 2013
In loving memory
Even though you know from the start they won't be around forever, it's always a sad moment when time runs out. This year was the year to say goodbye to Belle. Last year to Gijs and long before that to Poekie and Tijger. No longer on my lap, but their paw prints will remain on my heart forever. May they chase dogs in kitty heaven for all eternity.
Great gnomes think alike
As my fellow gnome Agnes would say: unicorns I love them!
For reference, here are the full lyrics:
Unicorns I love them
Unicorns I love them
Unicorns I love them
Unicorns I love them
Uni uni unicorns..........
I lohohohove them!
Friday 22 November 2013
It's all in the details
For a gnome, I'm quite a planner. So for the aforementioned fancy occasion in September I came totally prepared (yes, still the girl with a plan!) with not one, but two wonderful dresses: full velvet regalia in case it was cold, and breezy linen in case it was bloody hot. In the end, it was somewhere in between, but cool enough to wear the velvet outfit. But then the gnome part of me felt sorry for the pretty red dress, because it would go into (temporary!) storage without ever being worn. Not an option! So the pretty red dess had its very own shiny moment: we had a Kodak session in a real castle, just to show it off!
We must have done something right there, because visiting tourists thought we were part of the entourage, meaning everybody wanted to have their picture taken with us.
And naturally they wanted to know what time the tour started, whether I was a real princess, what year the library was built and most frequently where the toilets were.
Even the staff themselves were convinced, because we later found out we had (unjustly) received an employee discount at the cafe. Oops! The apple pie was delicious, though!
The first picture was pixelated for privacy reasons. I'm happy to share my thoughts, but I really value my privacy. And sometimes you can have your privacy without having to doctor the shot. Taken behind a beautiful waterfall:
We must have done something right there, because visiting tourists thought we were part of the entourage, meaning everybody wanted to have their picture taken with us.
And naturally they wanted to know what time the tour started, whether I was a real princess, what year the library was built and most frequently where the toilets were.
Even the staff themselves were convinced, because we later found out we had (unjustly) received an employee discount at the cafe. Oops! The apple pie was delicious, though!
The first picture was pixelated for privacy reasons. I'm happy to share my thoughts, but I really value my privacy. And sometimes you can have your privacy without having to doctor the shot. Taken behind a beautiful waterfall:
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